PAUL RUDD: A TIMELINE OF HATE

My housemate works for a dvd rental shop so every Monday he scans the new releases for something we might enjoy watching together. Last week we settled on the seemingly safe choice of Role Models. “Seemingly safe,” you say? But it has kids in it, and Seann (stupid extra ‘n’) William Scott! Ah, but we felt safe in the presence of Paul Rudd, reasoning that he was usually a reliable source of one-liners and adorable expressions. 100 MINUTES LATER: Paper thin plot, lazy jokes, complete lack of realistic relationships. A by-the-numbers turnabout for Rudd’s character. I AM DIRECTLY BLAMING RUDD. His smarmy presence irked me all the way through. (Side note: I am so tired of bromance.) After the film I had to examine the feelings of betrayal I had. The thought of his overexposed face began to make my stomach churn. But I had liked him so much beforehand! Rudd had never done me wrong before, had he? Then as I mentally cycled through the things I had seen him in, the slow realisation dawned on me: I had hated him in pretty much everything else I’ve ever seen him in.

PAUL RUDD: A TIMELINE OF HATE

1995 – Starred in Clueless, as we all should know. The film that launched a thousand Paul Rudd crushes. I don’t think there’s any way to hate on this film, even though Rudd’s Josh is the ultimate Kerouac-reading, freshman Psych quoting, cause-following annoying college kid, and the fact that he gets with Cher when she is 16 and he is probs like 22 and they are step-siblings is kind of gross. Scratch that, Rudd is totally annoying in this.

what a douche.

Late 90s – Starred in a constant barrage of shit like The Object of My Affection. Never star in a film with Jennifer Aniston, man, that’s like one of the laws of the universe.

2002 onwards – He was on Friends as Mike, the one that got married to Phoebe. Rudd pronounced the dialogue with a mere modicum of effort and mainly you spent his screentime trying to work out what the age difference between him and Lisa Kudrow was. Were Mike and Phoebe meant to be the same age? Anyway, Rudd was shit, but all of Friends was shit at this point, so I didn’t feel compelled to hate him any more than I hated the rest of it. Still a negative mark for Rudd.

2003 – The Shape of Things. This is a legitimately good film because it is Neil LaBute and it is amazingly cruel, and Paul Rudd is subjected to most of the amazing cruelty.

2004 & 2005 – Anchorman and The 40-Year-Old Virgin. What is key to liking Paul Rudd in these films is that he is only a supporting part, and you can mostly ignore him and be distracted by Steve Carell.

2007 – Knocked Up. I fucking hated his whiny ass! I felt very sorry for his on-screen wife, and glad she upgraded him for Zac Efron.

2008 - Role Models we’ve discussed, but he was also in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, in which he has an extended cameo as a surfer dude and it’s really torturous, almost palling the whole film in its unfunniness. Thankfully, the rest of the film overcomes and is actually very good, even Russell Brand.

2009 – I Love You, Man. It’s possible that the presence of Jason Segel is enough to carry this film, but I’m much too wary to watch.

The problem is that everybody else on the planet is in love with him. He is beginning to become a bit like Adam Brody or Zach Braff when everybody was raving about them and they believed the press and thought they owned the joint. Paul Rudd, you better check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Jyotsna